Eel-Advised Archive

***UNDER CONSTRUCTION***

 

Covering Amsterdam via the subverting of clichés and the uncovering of obscurities, this collection of freewheeling essays paints the city as an enduring “magical centre of the universe” where facts, gossip, history and oddities happily collide into a frenzied vortex of coincidence. In short, An Eel to the Head has everything you ever wanted to know about tulip sex, art fakes, plastic surgery, beer, Drum, the colour orange, cop-baiting, wild pissing, film noir, miracles, religion, IJburg, tobacco-smoke enema applicators, magpies, the Euro, the use of clogs in film, barfly techniques, oil balls, grease energy, cobblestone cuisine, cheese as metaphor, smelling the future, and — of course — the enigma that is the eel.

 

	EEL-ADVISED 1 – The Great Eel Riot of 1886
	In search of a snappy column title.

	EEL-ADVISED  2  –  A Coincidence In Tiny Town
	All roads lead to eel.

	EEL-ADVISED 3 – Trepanning For Guilders
	Drilling into the skull to release the pressure.

	EEL-ADVISED 4  –  Yellow Gold
	I like my free energy good and greasey.

	EEL-ADVISED 5  - Amster £”*&
	Learn to swear the local way!

	EEL-ADVISED 6  – Nostrilism
	Art that stinks. Food that speaks.

	EEL-ADVISED 7 – Pystic Man
	Pissing willy-nilly as religious experience.

	EEL-ADVISED 8 – Pystic Woman
	Equal rights.

	EEL-ADVISED 9 – Bacon Bits of Advice
	The police try to tell it like it is.

	EEL-ADVISED 10 – Sai Baba Land
	A round ball and the power of Orange.

	EEL-ADVISED 11 – Billy Graham Crackers
	The Religious Right visit the City of Sin.

	EEL-ADVISED 12 – Private Dijk
	Philip Marlowe relocates to Amsterdam.

	EEL-ADVISED 13 – Amstermancer
	Pitching a cyberpunk novel.

	EEL-ADVISED 14 – Nostrildamus
	Can the nose know the future?

	EEL-ADVISED 15 –  Metamutator
	Creative writing tools of tomorrow today..

	EEL-ADVISED 16 – Faking it (1)
	Geert Jan Jansen, master forger.

	EEL-ADVISED 17 – Faking it (2)
	Hans van Meegeren, master forger.

	EEL-ADVISED 18 – Faking Flesh
	The roots of plastic surgery: Cabbageheads.

	EEL-ADVISED 19 –   Shag
	Tobacco in the arts and sciences.

	EEL-ADVISED 20 – SantaClaus/SatansClaws?
	That St. Nick is evil is not necessarily a bad thing.

	EEL-ADVISED 21 – Hosting Skills
	Local hospitality tips.

	EEL-ADVISED 22 – City Building Sauce
	This town was built on a foundation of… beer.

	EEL-ADVISED 23 – Springing A Tulip
	A flower with a dark core and a darker past.

	EEL-ADVISED 24 – Bike Crash, The Screenplay
	Funny, no producer has called back about this one yet.

	EEL-ADVISED 25 – Cold Vicious Stylistic Exercise
	Amstelveen makes Twin Peaks look like Disneyland.

	EEL-ADVISED 26 –  Cobblestone Cuisine (1)
	Look downward, it’s a freaking supermarket.

	EEL-ADVISED 27  – Cobblestone Cuisine (2)
	Look again, it’s even quite tasty.

	EEL-ADVISED 28 – Inspiring Amsterphiles
	Good luck to a new graduating class of pundits.

	EEL-ADVISED 29 – Eel In Green
	A nice Belgian recipe to go  with Belgian beer.

	EEL-ADVISED 30 – Black Market…
	My late night dealings.

	EEL-ADVISED 31 – A Euro Petition
	Doing my bit for a more vibrant Euro future.

	EEL-ADVISED 32 – Oil Balls
	A nice hearty recipe from grandmother.

	EEL-ADVISED 33 – Godot in the Snow
	Coping with the Dutch royal wedding.

	EEL-ADVISED 34 – Magpie Death Ritual
	A murder of mutant crows.

	EEL-ADVISED 35 – It’s A Dam Miracle
	The Virgin Mary finds Amsterdam charming.

	EEL-ADVISED 36 – Canadian Content
	Feeling strangely Euro.

	EEL-ADVISED 37 – The Book Of Eel
	The read of the season!

	EEL-ADVISED 38 – Death By Herring
	Accidents do happen.

	EEL-ADVISED 39 – Quality Propaganda
	In the good ol’ days, they really knew how to dis’.

	EEL-ADVISED 40  – Carmiggelt (1)
	The city is my office, its streets my stationary.

	EEL-ADVISED 41 – Carmiggelt (2)
	But sometimes I can feel cornered.

	EEL-ADVISED 42 – Carmiggelt (3)
	Happily, the bar-poet Carmiggelt has answers.

	EEL-ADVISED 43 – IJ Have Seen The Light
	Empty artificial islands feel like home.

	EEL-ADVISED 44 – Cee-Oo-Cee-Ka
	Baantjer… Best. Cop. Show. Ever.

	EEL-ADVISED 45 – Real Nice And Cheesy
	Go with bended knees to the church of cheese.

	EEL-ADVISED 46 – XYZ
	Het XYZ van Amsterdam is the only book you need.

	EEL-ADVISED 47 – Age of Short Circuitry
	Dutch philosophy in action.